To the well-meaning folks out there on the street:

No, actually, you can't take my baby or my dog home. I'm flattered that you think they're both really cute. I think so too. I admire your politeness in saying, "Pleaaaase?" You may indeed have the child-rearing and dog-caring skills you claim. However, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I am not in fact running a baby-for-rent service and trolling for customers, and neither is my babysitter. You are welcome to pet my dog and give her the love and attention you claim she lacks at home, but I assure you, she gets plenty of petting and love at home. She simply, like my baby, likes attention. I'm a little confused as to what causes so many of you to think that your requests to adopt my baby are natural and will be met positively. I wonder what you would do if I said, "Yes, sure, make sure he goes to a decent college, and please feed him lots of chocolate." I do not ask you if I can take your spouse home, even if he is very good-looking and polite. I do not joke about how I'd like to steal your grandmother or grandfather. Perhaps next time I shall offer a trade.

In other baby news, check out this 17-lb newborn. I think what really makes the photo is the terrified look of the baby in the adjoining bassinet: "Please don't eat me!"