Alternatively, Chicago is currently the locus of a sadistic playground experiment designed to promote child abandonment.

Hey, I only realized last month that not everyone was being massively encouraged to put their fingerprints into an electronic database so they could pay for groceries. That was only here in Chicago - until the company went bankrupt, leaving the question of what happened to all the fingerprint/bank account data up in the air. (Not that I subscribed; it unnerved me a bit.)