orichalcum

There are few statements that otherwise rational, well-meaning people make that raise my hackles more than the commonly heard soundbite, "The greatest threat to Jewry today is intermarriage," except possibly the frequent addition that "intermarriage is more dangerous than the Holocaust."

A column in Slate today, linking this column and new study in Haaretz, which purported to "objectively" show the damaging effects of intermarriage, particularly irritated me. Among the danger signs cited: "in-married" Jews are far more likely to have only Jewish close friends than intermarried couples. In-married couples are more likely to feel very attached to Israel and to have traveled to Israel. In-married Jews are much less likely to have a Christmas tree and more likely to keep kosher.

This kind of rhetoric isn't about sustaining and celebrating the faith and traditions of an ancient and living religion; it's about isolationism. You can have a close friend of another religion without it damaging your religious faith or your ability to go to religious services. The physical nation of Israel- which, don't get me wrong, is an incredible place both spiritually and historically - is not in fact synonymous with Judaism, much less the Israeli government. And frankly, there are plenty of "in-married" Jews I know who quite enjoy their bacon cheeseburgers and still manage to love God and attend services on Yom Kippur. I won't even get into the fuzzy statistics in the article, which provides detailed statistics for the in-marrieds' level of observance and then asserts that only "a handful" of intermarried couples follow the same levels.

I'm not saying that living a life which regularly honors Jewish practices and religion isn't more challenging with a partner who doesn't honor those traditions, or that it wouldn't be more difficult to educate children, and certainly to educate them without them realizing that there are other paths and ways of understanding the divine. Yes, not all of those children will grow up to consider themselves Jewish. But they will grow up the children of happy marriages, of people who chose to love each other despite the extra challenges presented by different backgrounds. (Obviously, there are lots of happy "in-married" couples as well, but frankly, it's hard enough to find a partner in this world, and narrowly restricting your options just makes it tougher.)

Judaism's done a remarkable job of surviving the past millennia through war, exile, persecution, genocide, theological debates and factional splits. Claiming that it can't manage to persevere because of the deep love of two people who don't have the same religion and culture is, well, cowardly.

I apologize if some people take this too personally; it's not intended as an attack on anyone's beliefs. And, admittedly, I've got a personal agenda here, as a cultural Jewish-American (among other things) who's a child of multiple generations of intermarriage. But I can't remain silent in the face of these sorts of inflammatory, narrow-minded statements.