How do I buy a really nice dress? And Other Surreal Moments of the Day

[orichalcum]

I was a Good Girl today, and terribly yuppie. I joined a non-university gym for the first time, and arranged to sign up for baby water orientation classes there. I went to Gymboree and found out what their schedule and gym was like. I'm not sure we're going to join, because it's way expensive for once a week, but we'll certainly check out the free class. And then I went to Trader Joe's, where I got lots of stuff for a picnic by the lake tomorrow and encountered the following surreal customers in line ahead of me:

Group #1: 3 college-aged guys, one wearing a Sigma Chi sweatshirt, who spent $364 on Three-Buck-Chuck and 3 bottles of cheap champagne. They got 6 cases. That was all they bought. The first guy had three credit cards declined in a row, and finally his friend had to pay. As the checkout lady said to me later, "When I was in college, we got kegs."

Person #2: A guy in his 30s, nicely dressed, ahead of me in line, whose total purchase was one bouquet of a dozen roses and mixed flowers and 12 cardboard boxes of Trader Joe's Mac 'N Cheese.
What's his story, I wonder? ladybird97 suggested he might have a pregnant wife.

I decided to splurge and try out two of their new products - guava paste rolls, which Mac might like, and the Sweet Sixteen collection of eight pairs of mini-pastries: key lime tarts, raspberry white chocolate tarts, chocolate coconut bars, blueberry linzer bars, strawberry rhubarb bars, flourless chocolate cake with raspberry frosting, carrot cake, and lemon bars. We'll see what the picnic thinks of them - and they were remarkably cheap, too - $7.00 for all of them.

Now we come to the question for which I actually need advice. After doing all of this productive stuff, I went to the mall, in search of a dress. I've got three weddings to go to in the next six months, and two dresses that could sort-of work and one more casual top-and-skirt. So I'm not in a dire situation. However, in late October, A's law firm has its annual gala again, the one which I was woefully underdressed for last year since everyone was wearing Oscar-knockoff 4-5 digit gowns. I am determined that I will not be underdressed this year, esp. since A. might possibly be up for an award. A's Weberian Congregationalist soul is horrified at the thought of spending that much money on a dress, so we have compromised on it merely being a very nice dress, rather than a month's rent kind of dress. Sensibly, he also feels that I should wear it to at least one of the weddings, which is why I'm really hoping that the two weddings whose dress codes I don't know are reasonably formal so I won't be out of place. I should clarify that I'm also slightly appalled by the idea of spending more on this gown than on our rent or my wedding dress, but I'd really like to have a gown that actually fit me and where I elicited some "Damns!" from friends, without upstaging anyone. (Thankfully, none of the weddings have any ex-issues, so I don't need to go extra-modest or anything.)

The mall, as it turns out, does not seem to be the kind of place to buy a really nice dress, particularly given my current figure (hopefully to be modified by the gym, see above), in which I tend to either look shapeless or like Betty Boop. So, oh so knowledgable friends, where _does_ one go to buy Oscar-knockoffs for non-model-thin women?

Comments

[jendaviswilson.livejournal.com]

I buy almost all of my formalish dresses at Loehmanns, which is a designer seconds store. I've never spent over $100. I almost bought an Oscars-type dress last time, but couldn't imagine anything I'd need to go to in the near future that was that formal. They always have a lot at the ends of the size range--I have to dig for my average-type size, and still always leave with three dresses or so.
I suggest finding your nearest outlet mall, too.
Is Jessica McClintock formal enough? Those come in lots of sizes, but may be too bridesmaidy. Not rock bottom prices but still reasonable.
Hmm...maybe try some upscale department store websites first to get an idea of sizes and styles, then visit the promising ones? Finally, isn't Neimann Marcus's annul sale coming up soon? That would be ideal.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Ooh, good thought on Neiman Marcus. There appear to be several Loehmann's near me. I think if it looks nice, the price doesn't matter, it just needs to be sufficiently formal and chic-looking.

[wildpaletz.livejournal.com]

That reminds me that I gotta check out the SF Loehman's -- as we discovered, the Sunnyvale one is lacking.

I may or may not need a new dress for this summer's weddings as well.

I wish I had better advice for Orichalcum. I know where I might suggest here, but no idea for Chicago.

[hca.livejournal.com]

I have no idea where one goes to buy an Oscar knockoff. My not-so-helpful advice: The dress I wore to fajitas' wedding, which I am delighted to be able to wear a second time (to foldedfish's wedding) is fairly formal. (You saw it, did my hair for it, and took a picture of me in it. :) ) I got it at Filene's Basement. I don't know if this helps at all, or if Chicago has Filene's. Also, it occurred to me as I wandered through David's Bridal this year that I would totally wear some of those bridesmaid's dresses in some of those colors, and those might be Oscary.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I liked that dress. I do want to try and avoid "bridesmaid satin," because I don't especially like it and I think it codes too young for something like the gala (though not for weddings.) The odd thing is trying to go for a formal gown appropriate to a woman in her 30s - not the mother-of-the-bride sequined jacket model but not the prom/bridesmaid model exactly either.

Other random question - I noticed last year that most of the other women were also not wearing jewelry. Is jewelry just out with formal dresses?

[hca.livejournal.com]

Good lord, I have no idea. I don't exactly have points in girl skills! :) And I've never been to anything like this gala. Just weddings. Where I wear jewelry to go with my dress, because I like jewelry. I've taken to wearing it to work more often, because I now work with a bunch of women who do have points in girl skills.

[outlawradio.livejournal.com]

Well, if there is a lot of beading or sequins, it can be overwhelming and/or clash with the dress. My wedding gown, for instance, simply would not take a small/average sized necklace, and I tried several. On the website it is shown with a hideous diamond encrusted rose; I assume A's co-workers and their wives have the good sense not to go this route whilst otherwise bespangled.

[wildpaletz.livejournal.com]

The photos I saw of you in your dress, you looked a *lot* better than model in it. Just so you know my opinion. :)

[outlawradio.livejournal.com]

Aww! Thanks! :) I appreciate that.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

OMG that rose is atrocious. You did indeed look so much better and more tasteful. I suppose it's that I tend to wear fairly solid-color, simple dresses, so am used to accessorizing. Also, I have inherited jewelry I don't get enough chances to wear, given my unfortunate lack of living female ancestors.

I also have to figure out my feelings about wearing the necklace traditionally given to my family's eldest daughter on her 40th birthday, which I have because, well, there's no one else to wear it, but which I've only worn once, for my wedding.

[outlawradio.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Heirlooms can be hard that way. I think there'll be a time when it feels right to wear it.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

That makes sense.

[ellinor.livejournal.com]

To respond to some comments:

Jewelry is absolutely not out. But of course it depends on the dress. Simple, elegant dress => fancier jewelry. Froofy dress with lots of stuff going on => less jewelry.

I like Macy's for dressy things. I find that my figure takes well to two-piece formal dresses, e.g. sequined top or jacket with a one-tone skirt. You may be able to wear a skirt you already have, if you find a top fancy enough. That may cut down on cost. Neiman's is also a good idea, and Loehmann's is a great idea (although I have trouble finding really good things in my size there. Your size may do better or your Loehmann's may vary).

You can have something made. If you find some really amazing fabrics at a fabric shop and a good seamstress, you can get a really great dress that fits you perfectly. It may be a more expensive than sales or Loehmann's, but it probably won't be 4 figures. It takes effort, but then you can say you had it designed specially for you. :)

anyway, good luck. Look forward to hearing more about it.

one bouquet of a dozen roses and mixed flowers and 12 cardboard boxes of Trader Joe's Mac 'N Cheese

lurve, true lurve.

Or maybe the guy just likes the number 12.

;)

[spyscribe.livejournal.com]

I just have to say, ellinor, thank goodness none of the firm events I ever went to with you were ever that formal. Upside to California?

Orichalcum, per the above paragraph, I have nothing useful to offer. :)

[karakara98.livejournal.com]

I would try J. Crew, believe it or not. They actually have a great weddings/parties section with dresses for $200-$300. I find them simple & elegant. They work for my body type, but YMMV. The head womens-wear designer is a 6' tall women of my body type :), but I think it's worth a look.

Other than that, I'd try Macy's, Nieman Marcus, or Lord & Taylor. Unfortunately though, the last few times I've shopped there, it's been hard to find anything other than variations on the currently in color.

Good luck!

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Which at least around here seems to be peach, which I look _terrible_ in.

[karakara98.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just had another idea. Look for a really high end thrift shop/consignment store. It's a complete roll of the dice as to whether you'll find anything, but sometimes you can find gently worn, really nice dresses for great prices. CHarity thrift shops, or Good Will stores in really rich neighborhoods have the best pickings. I've had good luck with the Cancer Care shop in the Uppper East Side in Manhattan or a consignment shop in Darien, CT. That doesn't help you much in CHicago, I know, other than to give you the type of store to look for.

Good luck!

[holmes-iv.livejournal.com]

Domestically incompetent bachelor with a hot date? I can't help with the dress issues, but random male grocery-shoppers are something I'm more familiar with. :-)

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the perspective - and here I was initially thinking you were the one with the hot date.

But would a hot date need _12 boxes_?

[holmes-iv.livejournal.com]

Well, no—I figured the roses for the date and the boxes for later use, because hey, he was there, might as well stock up!

And my domestic incompetence has not yet reached the level of Trader Joe's Mac, thank you—but then, my hot date for the weekend was taking in a BCE concert with marketsquare, so clearly my hypothetical bachelor is doing better than I am. <grin>

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see. So then he only gets thwapped for buying grocery store flowers.

I'm sure you would present your hypothetical hot date with numerous yummy homemade baked goods and win her heart much more effectively. I was going to say "through her stomach," but that's a rather gruesome image.

[amethyst73.livejournal.com]

Good Lord. I think the only 2 times I've ever had a 'really fancy' dress were (1) my senior prom (worn again at college senior dance during graduation weekend), and (2) my wedding. In both cases, they were made for me (my wedding dress is actually built on the shell of my mom's wedding dress), so I'm not much help in the 'where to find a really fancy dress' department. I was vaguely thinking that maybe there'd be a consignment shop for stuff like that...?

For the wedding that we're going to in July with you guys, I was figuring I'd probably wear the same comfy-but-nice ankle-length dress that I wore to your guys' wedding. But if you want to wear super-snazzy dress to that, I could bring my green silk gown (considerably fancier, though not what I'd call Oscar-style) and wear that instead. I suppose we could ask the bridegroom of that wedding if he has any preference for level o' fanciness.

(And whether there'll be dancing at the reception. I can't move comfortably in the green silk dress, so dancing in it would be quite out.)

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

That was a great dress; I'd go for comfy. We'll see what I wear - depends a lot on what I find, and whether it's easily packable, as well. My current plan is either a long floral dress or a knee-length dark red velvet dress, both of which are fairly cosy. I may check with C., though. Also, my dress for that wedding is slightly complicated by the fact that both A. and Mac are going to be wearing their kilts, and I don't want to clash.

[bloodstones.livejournal.com]

Baby in kilt? Seriously? That sounds like the cutest thing I've ever heard of.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Yep! We ordered it a few weeks ago, in the family Stewart of Appin tartan. A bit of a silly expense, but I just couldn't resist the cuteness. And heck, his younger siblings can wear it too eventually.

[amethyst73.livejournal.com]

Kilts??? How totally and thoroughly awesome!!!

Hmm... I can't remember A.'s family tartan colors. I'd wear the dark red if it's a color in the pattern, and the floral if not (because it's patterned too). This is, of course, without seeing either dress.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

Yeah; we're looking forward to showing him off. The tartans are here: http://bagpipestore.net/tartan/Stewart-of-Appin/31756.html?
A. is Hunting Ancient and Mac is Modern, because they didn't have Hunting Ancient in Baby.

The red dress is red-wine in color, so it might work, might not. I think floral might clash.

kilts

[(Anonymous)]

ACNH and I both like the idea of Mac in a kilt. ACNH recommends having Mac wear a diaper underneath. :)

We've dressed SMNH in clothes that match his father's, but nothing that unusual.

-MJNH, looking forward to pictures.

[nhradar.livejournal.com]

So, to answer the trivial part of this:

The Sigma Chi guy was probably throwing a formal or an initiation post-party. Kegs are against Sigma Chi risk management policy, and Sigma Chi HQ is in Evanston. Plus, NW had some serious issues a few years ago. So they wanted to be both Klassy and also not lose their charter. :)

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

See, I knew I could find answers to all my questions here. :) It doesn't really make much sense from a risk management perspective to instead buy 100 bottles of wine, though. And really, they could have managed slightly more variation. But I agree this was probably their thought process. It's the end of the quarter, so I'd guess formal rather than initiation?

[nhradar.livejournal.com]

So, the thinking is that the kegs make it easy to drink an unmeasurable quantity of beer. That is, people can drink a large volume without any outward indications. This makes it, prima facie, a risk management nightmare. I think it's also a proxy; it's harder to have a massive party with thousands of people without kegs. But I could go on for quite some time about the reasoning. I'll spare you. :)

The variation adds unnecessary complexity. :) I know we always just got cases of Andre (I guess we split between the spumante and the other variety, so that's some variation....). :)

[julianyap.livejournal.com]

Not my area of expertise, but for what it's worth I echo what most people have said, since you're in Chicago a scouting trip down the magnificent mile may be in order. Lords and Taylors may be a particularly good choice during sale season since they are less popular these days (slightly older clientele) which means that younger stuff gets left for sale season.

In fact sale season is the big time to buy anything. The Spring season goes on sale in about a weeks time at most boutiques and I imagine the department stores will follow in the same period. Most places go to at least 35% off, which is nice. Of course, spring means slightly less formal dresses than Fall in general, but there might be something for you.

Another option are outlet stores, this is where the designer boutiques send all their overstock, so it'll be a couple of seasons back, not that that should matter a great deal. Armani has one in Manchester NH which is not so helpful, but I imagine that there is something similar in the Chicago area.

[orichalcum.livejournal.com]

And you, Mr. Yap, are why I didn't limit this post to women-only. :)

Why does spring mean less formal dresses than fall?

[jab2.livejournal.com]

warmer weather means less cloth means less formal, maybe??